This is a different stance for me, as I usually like to natter all things craft but of late, with how our world is carrying on, and all that is happening around us, something keeps cropping up into my think tank.
The world is either terrifying or beautiful, and only we can choose how we digest it. Those who know me, know that I am a terrible worry wart, especially where my children are concerned but I make it my own mission to protect them from the horrors of the outside world and hopefully for them to try and see the beauty in what remains. Some I admit aren’t so lucky and that beauty is a little harder to see but we have a chance to make our futures brighter through those tools that are at most times, highly accessible….our children.
We grow up and have various levels of conflict whether it be at school or in the workplace but we hope as we leave that and head for parentdom those trivialities will not arise again. How happy you will be to head into the joyous world of motherhood, with no more worries or arguments (well maybe a few with the hubby over who’s changing nappies or making the next bottle….but that’s it)……BUT how wrong you were, you are now about to embark on the most deadly, soul protecting mission you have ever had – to protect your innocent little bundle of creation from all things – but without realising it, the hardest of them will be judgement and opinion – because everyone will have an opinion. You will not be lone mother/parent/care provider for your little darling, you will be one of many…..
I never realised having something that lights up your world – could cause so much conflict – conflict with those – we call ‘MUMs’ (MUMs for short but full term to be used is Mighty Undercover Manipulators)
MUMs are like a super army. I think, had they been put on the frontline years ago, the wars would still be in full force now, with two lone women, carrying on their shouting match, not making any argument relevant to the point they started on, red in the face and tired from the brain frazzling angst of trying to get their point across. Or…… it may have ended conflict a damn sight quicker amongst the rest of the troops as they would have all fallen asleep waiting for their female opponents to stop talking – no violent weapons needed as the MUMs tongue would have cut through the weaker adversary like a hot knife through butter…
Anyway, back to my point – MUMs are dangerous, they will judge each other, profusely lie about each other, lie about their methods of MUMing – all with one end goal – to beat the weaker ‘mother’ to a pulp and leave her broken; panicking that everything she will do from this moment forward will break her child….. What she will feed it, breast it or bottle it, bathe it in, immunise it against, allow it to watch, how to coach it on the full school curriculum extra to its very capable teachers, what additional homework to set it every night just to allow it to catch up to its peers…and boooooooom has your mind just exploded???????
These MUMs without meaning to become more competitive than two boxers battling for the World Heavyweight title. They will fall out, compare, compete and argue until they have forgotten how they were ever friends and have stripped their newbie child of all personality and left them as a bare shell of not their little darling, but a mirror image of the MUM. Why does this happen? Why are we as females so prone to disagreement, conflict and upsetting each other. We should be building each other up rather than tearing each other down….
We push and compare to form our child into a miniature version of hopefulness of all that we couldn’t achieve….
I am not denying I am slightly responsible here…I desperately want my daughter to read and enjoy books as much as I did…I want her to have a magnificent reading talent; to want to write books and be creative with her mind as this is our outlet to fantasy (I am a massive fantasist, but let’s not disappear off on that tangent for now)…
Rather than being one of these manipulating MUMs, we should instead make it our responsibility to shape out little miniatures into being a better human being, one that is loving and caring but at the same time headstrong and knows it’s own mind. One that won’t enter in to the world of comparison and the ‘mine is better than yours’ mentality…we should simply just drop that act… The only thing we should be stripping them of are our selfish and over competitive faults…..does it really matter if we are different; that one child can walk before the other, is potty trained before the other, can run faster than the other, read quicker than the other,……No! There are much more important things to focus our child rearing energies on…
– to teach them that they matter, their opinions matter, they should always believe in themselves.
– to be kind and considerate and treat all with respect and appreciate the world around them.
– our issues with body image…be positive in front of our young vulnerable little people.
– our issues with friendships….teach them to embrace all; somebody’s weaknesses maybe somebody else’s strengths.
– our harsh opinions…protect them from talking ill of others….what we may view as a normal judgement of a person, could be seen as detrimental by another.
– teach them to not talk ill of others unless they are prepared to share that opinion with the person themself….loose lips sink ships…..and destroy friendships.
– teach them not to meddle in situations that do not affect them (my biggest one to teach my daughter as she has inherited my ability to take on the world like a one woman justice league, fighting for all equality and unfairness….when sometimes I should just learn to keep my trap shut and let the situation play out as it was meant to)
– you can’t please everybody and you can’t be everybody’s friend but if you treat people with kindness and it’s still not accepted then that is a reflection of them not of you.
– keep them informed of what’s happening in the world but not to a point where the worlds worries become their own.
This list goes on….but this is part of our purpose; our meaning in life, to make our future’s brighter by making our future (generation)’s brighter!
And that doesn’t mean all of it through a school education – they can be the smartest kid in the class but without being courteous, sensible, kind and caring that can all be lost.
There is enough upset and conflict in the world, without us MUMs adding to it with the trivial….every action we make as an adult with young eyes watching us has an affect…
And don’t get me wrong, it is not all peachy, calm and super parenting at our house. I shout at my kids, my daughter is HER MOTHERS DAUGHTER, but at the end of the day, I just notice now more than ever, as she approaches 8yrs of age, (the age of rebellion) that it is important to listen when needed, not to say negative things in front of her or my son and to hopefully shape them into well rounded adults.I can only hope to grow with my children, not to necessarily be their friend but to be a parent that will always be happy to have their friendship if I’m lucky enough to be given it.
This is how we shape the future, and I hope by supporting them, whilst showing them love and kindness, they will contribute to making it a better one. 😍